Tools to Help Children Handle Anxiety

My name is Liz Kalama-Kagay, LMSW, and I work as the licensed school social worker at the Academy. I recently attended a training put on by the same counselors who have been helping families from the Covenant School move through their tragic experience.

Sissy Goff is a LPC from Daystar Ministries Counseling, and David Thomas, a LMSW who works with kids and families in counseling. The seminar at Christ the King school was geared towards helping parents raise worry-free children. A study by JAMA Pediatric showed that one in five youth worldwide now struggle with anxiety symptoms. This is not limited to teens; according to Mental Health of America, the average age of a child being diagnosed with anxiety is 6 years old. Sissy and David spent the evening educating the audience on what anxiety is, effective tools to help students name it, and grounding exercises to address it.

This year I had the opportunity to teach SEL lessons to our Ugandan International students. We discussed the coping skills we use to weather the storms that life throws at us, in a way that we can find the peace that the LORD promises.

The scripture they shared was John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” According to Ms. Goff, simply put, "anxiety is an overestimation of a problem." We learn from the Bible that anxiety is something that we all will contend with in this life, however the way we deal with it matters. We do not have to be overcome by it. 

Children present with anxiety on a continuum from ‘exploders’ to ‘imploders’. Exploders tend to be boys who will act out angrily and aggressively when feeling anxiety. Imploders (typically girls) tend to internalize the anxiety. They try to be perfectionists and instead report more somatic symptoms like headaches, stomach aches and other physical ailments. If you can view all behavior as communication, you can help your child recognize when they are feeling anxiety. Then you can then help them to develop the coping skills necessary to face their anxiety rather than just try to manage it. Some valuable tools are Box Breathing, 5-4-3-2-1, and Naming a Color. 

These are all very effective tools for helping the brain and body respond in a more helpful manner during an episode of anxiety. When a child is feeling big emotions like anxiety, their brain shifts into survival mode. Their body sends more blood to their bigger muscles and their heart starts beating faster as a way for them to prepare to fight or run away. However, our brains can be tricked to respond in a survival manner when there isn't a reason for that response. Therefore grounding exercises are very helpful in getting your brain to turn back on rationally, and think and reason through a situation. (see Dan Siegel on how the brain reacts to anxiety) 

Another tool the presenters offered as a way to deal with anxiety is to help students increase their emotional vocabulary. Children need to develop appropriate language to express themselves. The last tool was giving the students the opportunity to make social connections - essentially to learn how to have strong relationships. 

I was so happy to reflect on how Academy students are being taught all of these SEL skills on a daily basis. Each morning in Beginnings class, Academy students get a theme to help root them in biblical perspectives on how to be a friend, how to maintain peace, and how to deal with conflict. Their classes help them with a developed vocabulary and they have learned about their brain and how to address emotions with breathing and grounding exercises.

Anxiety is real. In life we will be hit with different challenges and we will respond emotionally.  However, we do not have to let anxiety rule us. The way we walk through challenges should be different because we know God. He's given us each other and he’s given us his Word.

There are many scriptures that address this concept but I really like Philippians 4:4-7 in that it starts with a reminder to rejoice. 

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to everyone. The Lord is near. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

When we are anxious it can be very challenging to see or feel anything other than our moment. This scripture is helpful because it makes us pause; grounding exercises make us pause. They allow us to connect with our very real human bodies and breathe. This verse starts with rejoicing, which is a tool to help us remember. We must reflect on what is going well, which helps us reframe our moment. 

This text goes on to communicate that we are engaged in relationships which is also a helpful tool in dealing with anxiety. When I am alone in my anxiety it can feel overwhelming but when I pause, take time to breathe, take time to rejoice and then take time to ‘let my gentleness be known to EVERYONE’, I know I have to engage in social relationships. I have to put myself near another person and together we can deal with my anxiety. Kids need to learn how to communicate this need and reach out to others. They need to know they are not alone, and the gift we have in a community of faith is that we don't have to walk through any storm alone. 

Finally, the text continues to say with "prayer", making your requests known to God and God will give you peace. Peace is the opposite of anxiety, and our LORD promises that to us.

In attending this seminar it was helpful to hear that what our students are getting throughout their education at The Academy is the best practice to help them navigate the inevitable storms that life throws at them. I hope these tips are helpful for parents and educators, in equipping our kids and helping them to walk in peace.